SURPRISE!!

Well, the countdown has continued. Next week I will be getting married. Next week!

Michael and I went to church together for the last time as single people, and the pastor mentioned something that caught me as very profound. Mercy is when God doesn't give us what we deserve, but grace is when God gives us what we don't deserve. Wow. And it's so true! We are sinners, we are filth, yet God many times will withold that from us. God is graceful, and gives us way more than we could ever ask or imagine.

As some of you know, on Friday we threw Michael a surprise party :D His birthday is October 11, but we will be in Maui, so we decided to celebrate early with friends here in CO. He and I hung out most of the day (after I made dinner and set it all up, unbeknownst to him, hehe), and went to the chiropractor. The whole day he was talking about what he wanted to do that night, what we should have for dinner, what we should do after dinner, how we should call certain people and check on certain things. I would nod accordingly and continue on our way. Once we arrived home, I patiently waited while he wanted to get the mail and bring in the trash bins and check out the flowers out front. He walked into the laundry room and immediately thought we were being robbed, as about 5 of our friends jumped up and yelled and threw balloons at him.

Talk about mercy and grace. Lately I've felt that life can sometimes be just a giant surprise party from God. If you would have asked me three years ago if I would have been getting married, I would have said maybe, but not in my wildest dreams to this man :D If you would have asked me if he would be sweet, sensitive, tall, and dark, I would have never guessed. I was a lot like Michael.. talking about what I should do this year and the next, things I should accomplish and work toward, who I should be friends with and what kind of person I would be. SURPRISE! There are far bigger plans than I could ever have dreamed up, nor planned. When some people find out I'm almost married, they say we're so young, that we need to wait such and such time, that we shouldn't have kids (which, Lord willing, we'll try not to!), that we shouldn't have to worry about marital affairs right now. Well, Michael's birthday party was two weeks before it's time, I think God just knows when it's time and when the SURPRISE is best. I don't think of marriage as a lifetime commitment (well, ok yes I do). I think of marriage as a DAILY commitment. Every moment of every day I am committed to Michael as my number 2, to slay the foxes that might possibly come between us, and love him and serve him as the only human man for me. The only difference is, I know this surprise is coming next week!

Images of love

Well, after my first week of classes in cosmetology, I can honestly say Michael and I are starting our lives together :D This is a picture of what our lives will be, at least for the next 13 months (minus the whole getting to live together eventually, even sleep in the same place!). I'm realizing more and more than life is just a series of changes. A lady at my chiropractor's office is in awe of "all the stuff" I'm doing and accomplishing. But, isn't that what life is? Really, everything we do is just stuff. Even friends, although precious, are temporary. Jobs, even family, they're all different in eternity. Scary thought, aye? In cschool, we had to come up with a word and write it on a little circle we put on our keychains. Most of the girls put "love" or "perseverance" or "peace". I put "NOW" and "purpose". I want to live in the now, make the most of what I'm doing at this very moment, but remember my purpose and the bigger picture. So, for now, I'm doing what I can to take care of myself. Thanks to a new workout routine (yeah cheap elliptical), lots of water, healthy food, and a regular sleep schedule, I have never felt better! I'm trying to remember that friendships are temporary, as most of my close friends are away on vacation or falling away, while making the most of people that I love that ARE around, and new amazing people that have come into my life this summer :) Speaking of the NOW, we are engaged! I sent out invitations today (eek!), so make sure to check your mailbox here in the next week :D Oh, and here are some pictures from our amazing engagement shoot. Our photographer is a friend here in CO, René Tate Photography, check her out at www.renetate.com. The pictures are from Glen Eyrie and downtown :) Enjoy!

Check out more at http://www.pictage.com/687832 or in my pictures on facebook!

times like these

Oh, and one more thing. Time is starting to disappear (especially weekends), fears and worries are at bay. Suddenly, I heard this song, and all was quiet:

Newsboys- "The Tide"


think i'll wait for the tide
seems it's all i can do right now
there must be a reason
i've run aground

i'll wait for the waves
to come
by the moon and the tide
like a man and his bride
i will wait
on you, Lord
and we will run so far from here
to your.........safety

think i'll lie in the sun for awhile
maybe inside out
i've been leaving messages for you
i'm sure it will all work out

and i know the waves
will come
by the moon and the tide
like a man and his bride
i will wait
on you Lord
and we will run so far from here
to your.........safety in the storm

there is courage for the simple man
to the holders of secrets and scars
learning to stand with reaching arms
we'll wait till the very last
no matter what will be
you're always good
always good
to me

listen, speak, obey!

Well, wow it's been a long time since I posted. I'm officially on vacation, as a college graduate, in a very transitory time in my life. Our lives. It's a funny thing, to move from "my" to "ours". Even as I'm getting the house ready and thinking about a life and a future, the word "ours" just keeps getting stuck in my, our, heads :P When we talk about visiting my family or his family, that is no longer the case, it is OUR family. Singular. When we talk about vacation times and even weekends, it is our weekends. Together. It is not the fact that we absolutely must be together all the time, but the fact that we enjoy each other and want to do things that will further our leaning towards each other. And did I mention we like each other? A lot. Michael started work this week, and even though that means about 40 less hours/week that I get to spend with him, it has some perks ;) We get to meet new friends and think differently (his co-workers, people from church, etc). Evenings and weekends have meaning, time is sectionalized instead of one lump sum. He has alone time at work to plan dates and be excited about them (I'm an acts of service gal, he's a qualitytime, so this is HUGE for me!). I have more alone time to re-energize and think through life. We get a sneak peek into our future together. He will probably work at a job like this for the next 23 years. And, Lord willing, I get to be by his side :D

As some of you know, we are leading the Navigators summer Bible study in Colorado Springs. Since we are some of the only grads sticking around and sticking with Navs, we were asked, and agreed because it would be a great service opportunity as well as a good transition for us (not students, not singles, not married). We're studying 1 John. This week, we studied 2:1-14. One of the biggest parts that stuck out to me was this comparison between being saved by works, and acts of obedience. 1 John 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." Salvation and forgiveness are FREE gifts. We surrender our pride, show humility, admit our wrongs, and we are saved. Some ask, then, why we should try to be good people if we are saved no matter what we do. I believe the answer lies in 1 John 2:5-6 "But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did." So, in effect, sure we can accept God's grace, but in order for us to live the best possible lives and be made complete, we must strive to be like Jesus. In order to have complete union with Christ, we must follow his ways and the way Jesus made. The phrase "love truly made complete" in the original text also means that if God's love is abundant in our hearts, we will want to follow Him. Imagine if Michael asked me to make a lunch for him. Even though there are better things I could do with my time, because I love him, I would make a lunch for him. Since God's love is so abundant in my life and my heart, I WANT to follow him, I WANT to obey him. That's what love is, obedience and service out of a commitment. It is not based on feelings of loveydovey or overwhelming passion or attraction. I love Michael, but I loved God first and last (and everywhere in between), and I will obey his commands then, too :)

Big Life, Big Hair

Well, life back in Colorado has been absolutely crazy since I last wrote. I spend my days babysitting, volunteering up at camp, learning how to love my future husband, cleaning our future house, running errands, investing in women, finalizing our Navigators group, and finishing up plans for the wedding. Wedding planning. Whenever anyone finds out I'm engaged, the first question they ask? "How's the wedding planning coming?" "Great! We're almost done :D" "Wow, you're way ahead of most people". I love to plan, I love to plan parties, and I love to plan with people in mind, so the wedding planning really IS fun. I'm decisive, so that always helps :) But something is beginning to deeply disturb me about all of it. As soon as a woman finds out I'm engaged, the second question is "Well, what are your colors?" They mean that in the best way possible, letting me know they care about me and they want to hear about this time in life we'll be celebrating. That's great! But, something is missing from it all. When I was trying on my dress, or looking for the reception site, or choosing decorations, my dad figured out that his line should be, "Yes, dear, anything you want, dear". Jokingly, Michael followed his lead, much to my chagrin. My wedding is not about me OR Michael OR our love. Our wedding is about a sacred covenant we are making among the two of us and our God, in the sight of our loved ones. It is about the joining of two spirits to that of the Lord, to learn and grow in His likeness, to get a better idea of his Majesty and power and establishment. It is the joining of two families under God, a celebration of God's creation that we call man. Period. The guest list, I've learned, is expected to be friends of us, our families, and people we call friends, that we want to celebrate with. I disagree. I believe those are the people that should want to hold us accountable. When the times get tough and we're tempted to befriend a member of the opposite sex, or take a break, or stray from God or our mate, that those guests will be the people that will encourage us to not just walk, but RUN back to God, and then back to each other. All the gifts and the decorations and the attire, they mean NOTHING without God. I read a verse in Song of Songs the other day that said something to the effect (I would quote it, but Michael has the book right now) of "We do this in celebration of our true love, knowing full well that this love is only possibly by its creator, our true first lover". WOW! What a powerful statement! Love is not a feeling, it is not fleeting, it is not something to yearn for or work toward. Love is a decision, a sacrifice, and a moment to moment choice.

This weekend, Michael and I had the pleasure to venturing to the middle of Kansas to spend time with Michael's parents and all of their older relatives that live there, at the Villa :) This will be my family! Now most of you know how crazy I am about my family. Where we will live is determined by God alone, but we sure hope that we end up very close to some sort of family. I am constantly calling, texting, or facebooking family, wishing I could be home or they could come to visit (and they will, in two weeks and I'm SO excited!!!!!). The fact that I get to be a part of a new family, without giving up my original family, just boggles my mind. Sure, that means less time with each individually, but that means more time with those that are stuck with me, and I with them. That means more to encourage and serve and host and just enjoy. Rick and Karen are an absolutely wonderful example of a Godly couple that sure is different (Michael is VERY similar to his mom, and I, as his mom pointed out, am scary similar to his dad) but loves and respects unconditionally, and cares enough about us as a couple to write us letters of encouragement and "force" us to sit down and watch the Love&Respect series with them. I only hope that we can someday be half as Godly and committed as they are. Whenever we go to Kansas, we have the privelege of greeting all the grandmothers and grandfathers (and great aunts and great uncles and some cousins, and all the siblings of the aforementioned, numbering over 20 relatives!). Other than hanging out with my Gramsie, I have never seen such cute older people with such big grins on their faces! Even if we just stopped by for a minute at 7pm when they were in their nighties, their apartments a wreck (or so they claim), they were absolutely ecstatic just to be able to see us. I don't know who was more excited...them or me! I wished that I could just go hang out with them, hear their stories, laugh with them, and encourage them by listening. Michael practically had to drag me out of there, and I only left willingly because I know that we'll be back for many years to come :) In many of the older women's rooms, in the small predominantly-Mennonite town, one thing that really stuck out to me was all the "spiritual" books sitting around-- books about God's power and grace and majesty and commandments. Many of these relatives have lived well into their 90's, a great feat in itself, but one that greatly impressed me was Ruth, Michael's Grandma's brother's wife's sister, who was 92 and the most smiley last I've met. There she was, sitting in church across the aisle. She walked up to me and gave me a hug, before Michael even introduced me. She was totally coherent and smart as a wit, but caring as a cucumber. I know that by God's grace alone, if I make it to that age, I can be as smiley as Ruth, because I will follow my Savior and walk by His power, and continue to be faithful. I not only want a big wedding, one professing, proclaiming, but exclaiming the truth of God, but I want to live a big life.

On a lighter note, part of the Love&Respect series talked about how men love to see their women dress up for them, treat them with more respect than their friends when the ladies go out on the town. Today I have been resting, not feeling quite well. Michael called and wants to come pick me up to just be together while he does homework. So I go, I love, I remain almost silent, serving him, with big hair :D not because I will get something in return, but because God's love is greater than any other, and I am here, I was created to love, which is to serve :D

an update from paradise

Have you ever felt joy so overwhelming that you can't help but just give a goofy grin about 15 hours/day? Have you ever felt so free to just do what you want, eat what you want, and know that everything will be spectacular? Have you ever had this sneaking suspicion that you've been thinking all wrong your entire life, and you're about to start on a journey that you cannot stop, but wouldn't even consider not wanting to? Welcome to my life :D

My wonderful fiancee and I have been in California since Sunday (today's Friday). It's a vacation we DEFINITELY both needed. After enjoying the free pools (a new one every day), we run errands and hang out with my parents and grandma as much as we can, usually enjoying good food or at least some Girl Scout cookies :D One assignment we do have while we're here is planning the wedding, although even that feels more like a party than an assignment. On Wednesday we went to the Irvine Marriott, where we will be having our reception! We met with one of our wedding coordinators, and tasted 3 different kinds of salads, grilled chicken, stuffed chicken, and filet mignon, as well as some cute little pastry desserts. We got to see how they will set the table, as well as choose our napkin foldings. We decided on stuffed chicken in a white chardonnay sauce, stuffed with a cheese I cannot spell, and spinach. Annnnd filet mignon in a black truffle mushroom sauce :D Truffles! Suprisingly, a very realistic price and EXTREMELY tasty! A special treat for a very special day :D The next day, we went out with Aunt Rosalie, cousin Marissa, and mom, and went to Shinoda's, an interior design warehouse. We were very blessed to find the exact flowers we want, for about 1/8 of the price we would have had to pay for plain, real flowers, and even cheaper than the flowers I wanted. We'll have 3 different centerpieces, all with a tall, dark bamboo as the base middle.

Well my sleepyhead just woke up and came over to say, so I had better go. We're having one of our famous Hamman family parties with *almost* everyone coming over to celebrate any birthdays from the past 2 months, including mine (in May).

the perfect gentleman

Well, I've found him. I have the most perfect gentleman. As Valentine's Day is quickly approaching, I hear from women all over the place that I am so lucky that I have found a great Christian man. Yes, I have found him and he has found me. But that's not what I'm talking about. While we're trying to plan the rest of our lives together, the marriage, and the big party to celebrate, the wedding, it's easy to lose focus of my first true love, my one and only true, true love. His love is perfect. His love is kind. He is not envious. He does not boast, and is not proud. He is not rude, nor self-seeking. He does not easily anger, nor keep records of all the many things I've done wrong. My gentleman does not delight in evil or pain, but is super excited about truth, and love, and everything truly good for us. My gentleman protects me physically as well as emotionally, trusts me even through the worst times, hopes for the best future, and never gives up on me. (1 Corinthians 13). My gentleman always craves to spend time with me. He wants to shower me with love, affection, give me gifts, and do acts of service. He walks on clouds for me, builds mountains and breaks oceans for me. He always shows up when I need him, and waits when I feel like I don't need him. I see him everywhere, in everything that is good, perfect, peaceful, and joyful. I see him when suffering and when ecstatic. I can share him, and sometimes ask him to be with my friends, and still I know he loves me the most. My perfect gentleman is the son of my God, He saved my life, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life. Happy Valentine's Day, my true love, my Jesus :D