back in the US...SR?

Well, I'm back in the US! After 3 days of travel, I'm safely home in sunny California. I've learned it really helps if you fast (not eating, drinking lots of water) for at least twelve hours before your flight, then eat and sleep the same times as your arrival city. I think it really helps! The way there, I did it and had no trouble going to bed and waking up on time. This time, I did before the airport and successfully slept the first night, woke up, and am about to head to bed in a little bit on the second night. Praise the Lord!

I've already noticed some hardships after being back for the summer. I don't like when people say "Oh aren't you SO glad to be back?! Isnt the US the best place to be? Don't you appreciate everything about the US?". I was there for 2 1/2 months, absolutely love Japan, and it felt like my home. The best place to be is the place God wants me, whatever difficulties I encountered there. I noticed I'm having a hard time adjusting to the food in the US. I'm not interested in sweets and can't handle a ton of meat. How weird is that? Oh, and I'm craving a Japanese salad. Meg, you know what I mean. I'm also a TON quieter. I learned the value of listening and just being quiet. When people tell me a story, I don't feel like I have to ask a bunch of questions or return the story with one of my own. I find this a very good thing to be comfortable with silence, but apparently it's not. I also really value my alone-time, quiet time, and think time. I miss walking around and not hearing music blaring, but especially people not yelling. We were at a restaurant today and I noticed that people will call across the room to get someone's attention. My mind has been on overdrive ever since my mom picked me up from the airport. It's probably the combination of never being alone anymore, constant music and noise, thinking about the future while missing Naoko and Megumi and Ami and Ai and Chihiro and Jun and Hiroko and Mrs. Shin. Also, I can read street signs and restaurant signs and billboards and texts and books and advertisements and everything else; since I haven't been able to for the past 2 1/2 months, my brain keeps trying to read anything and everything, taking in way too much information for me to process. I can't even begin to start thinking about what I'm feeling because there is pressure from situations around here to process my trip all of a sudden and somehow put it into a cohesive package to tell people I see that want to know about my trip. I apologize if I seem a bit shocked when you ask me about my trip. If you'd like to know something specific, please ask questions about what you'd like to know. I can't handle questions like "So...tell me about your trip. How was it? How was Japan?" and especially not now. If I know you well and know what you would like to know about, of course I'll tell you. If not, please know that my trip was absolutely amazing and I learned a ton about myself, God, ministry, the Japanese, the Bible, my personal relationships, and human relationships in general. It was very worthwhile and I can't wait to see my new friends and their life changes again :) I would go back if I had the chance. I probably wouldn't go long-term because I feel a real calling towards ministry in the US, but I would go back to visit and learn about the Navigators ministries in other cities/countries/etc. Thank you for partnering with me to advance the kingdom in Japan! And thanks for reading :)

and pictures, too.

the view from my apartment window
rice field that was JUST planted before we got here, now a beautiful field in the middle of the city
Rob, Yugina, Shin-Young, Meg, me, Megumi at our tea party/final fellowship
the girls and I decided to enjoy whipped cream by putting it on each others noses. they thought it was hilarious, and it was fun!
I just posted a blog, so I thought I'd add pictures to boot. What a great summer of growth! :D Enjoy!

humility, service, pride, and refuge

So, I started packing up today. My ankle had a really hard time with all the festivities this weekend, even though I skipped out on the hannabis festival Friday to rest. It never ceases to amaze me how God uses the time that I give up to do His will, for me to do something that makes me feel a ton better. Friday I got an extra 3 hours reading the Bible, something I desperately needed after a week crammed full of preparing for US return, goodbye presents, combining and sorting through all 1400 pictures, more extremely hurtful and difficult times with/out my team, and less sleep because of all of that. It caused me to reflect on this summer and what I've learned, and how I will be changed because of this trip. Well, 4 major themes stuck out to me this summer: humility, service, pride, and refuge.

Humility. What, exactly, is it? A few weeks ago in Bible study Rob asked us to define it. Kyle and Meg agreed that it was submission of the heart. Say what? In Philippians, Paul talks about Jesus humbling himself to death, even death on a cross, and considering others above yourself. So I propose that true humility is submission in your actions because your heart truly considers others to be better than yourself. Some question that if we are truly to consider others better than ourselves, some people must consider themselves less than poop, and have a very, very low regard for themselves. I argue that those people that suffer from extremely low self-esteem do not gain a heart of humility, but rather, of pride. For example, have you ever known someone that claims they do not like the attention all on them? If we are made in Christ's image and truly believe we are worth dying for, why wouldn't we have attention? Listen to what that person is really saying. I've noticed that a few people like that claim they don't like attention in the midst of a crowd, but when they aren't in front of a crowd, that's all they talk about. When someone walks into a room, what do they say? Do they ask a question, make a statement, who is glorified by what they say? Makes you think... what are people noticing about me by what I say? Do I say and do the things I do BECAUSE I'm actually humble, or because I really think nothing of myself?

Another question I've been investigating is about service. What, really, is service? I have concluded that it can best be described as sacrificing something precious to us, for the good of God's will in the life of another. When we serve without sacrifice, it is deeds. Faith without deeds is dead, so deeds are definitely needed. Service is also for the other person's betterment, but not only what WE think is best for them, but what God knows is best. We were challenged to be the "dying seed" this summer. A seed must fall to the ground and die in order to produce fruit, and fruit that will last. We are not to die to the world, but to ourselves. We are to beat our bodies into submission. Why? The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. This not only means our outward bodies, but our minds as well. When we think we deserve something, we are weak. Christ was MURDERED for us. He was perfect, and through His acts we are now perfect. We don't deserve anything other than death and eternal suffering. I find it difficult to remember that when someone steals, cheats, lies, or does a disservice to me. Eternal perspective is a nice healthy dose of humility.

Now this brings me to pride. Pride in the ministry, right. The New Testament mentions some reasons for why people talk about Christ. That topic ends with the fact that even if people are preaching about Christ for their own gain, at least Christ is being preached. I know a lot, a lot, a lot of Americans especially have been VERY hurt by Christians- people that openly admit they follow Christ. Christians are humans too, and sinful ones at that. We are told to not judge, lest we be judged in the same way. Ai and I were talking the other day and she brought up the subject of different religious sects and religious wars. If you read the Bible, you will know that what matters is faith in Christ, and faith with deeds, confessing sin, and remaining in Christ. So really, I don't like the word "religion". I am a Christ follower, which is what "Christian" means originally. I have a personal relationship with Christ, meaning that I pray to Him (me speaking to God) and I read my Bible regularly (Him speaking to me). Really, what more is there? The greatest commandment is to Love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and strength. And the second is like it, to love my neighbor as myself. Against such thing there really is NO law. If I am truly loving my God with all that I am and all that I have, I am doing no wrong. But how hard is that?!?!

Final thing. Refuge. This summer I gave up reading Christian books. I gave up talking on the phone. I gave up running to my friends when I wanted consoling. I even gave up my socializing (although NOT by my choice whatsoever). I even gave up watching movies for the first month. Classical conditioning. You know what it is? Think Pavlov's dogs. If we do certain things together, we train ourselves to do one even without the other present. Such was the thoughts behind giving all this up this summer. Whenever hard or even somewhat anxious times strike, I worked on training myself to turn to God, first through prayer, then through the Bible. After a while, even when no especially hard times were going on, I turned to God. Instead of God merely saving me, He was protecting me before anything happened. When my relationship with God started becoming more sparse, I felt bad times coming. Think of a relationship between you and your boyfriend (or girlfriend/husband/or wife). Life is best when communication between the two of you is in full swing. You share the trials as well as the triumphs. You are connecting and working as a team, and are uplifted. When the communication is less, and you turn to other things for comfort, things get rocky. There are more temptations, more chances for folly, pride and sin enter the picture. Same with us and God, I believe. If we are communicating with God regularly and seeking Truth from God first, there is less room for anything bad. "The Lord is my refuge and my strength. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I WILL FEAR NO EVIL, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me IN THE PRESENCE OF MY ENEMIES. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love WILL follow me all the days of my life, and I will DWELL in the house of the Lord forever. " Psalm 23. Even though enemies will still be all around, I will fear no evil because I dwell in the house of the Lord. He walks with me and I with Him. "Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry; the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned. The Lord redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him." Psalm 34:12-22.

Amen.

back to the basics

What do you believe about God? How much control does God have over your life? How and why were you created? Who was Jesus, what did he do? What does that have to do with your life? What will you do from now on?

These, and more, are the questions I had the honor and privilege to explore with a girl named Ai last night. She has been living in Lawrence, Kansas for the past year, studying there. Once she got back, she met us through Kazu (the guy that started reading the Bible this summer and wants to be more like Jesus). Yesterday, she and Meg went to a Judo tournament and then toured around her hometown all day. I, of course, stayed home to rest my ankle and make dinner. After dinner, we watched a little bit of a DVD from her last hip hop dance performance. Near the end, she got a phone call and went into my room to talk on the phone. She saw my new bilingual Bible open to John 5 on my bed, and started reading. She ran back into the room holding my Bible, and asked if she could read it while we were watching the performance. Have you ever had one of those experiences when you're beaming but trying to play it cool? Yeah, that was last night!! At the end of the DVD, we spent the next 3 1/2 hours exploring her questions and religion and history and what we believe. Megumi and I went through general ideas of the Bible, the story of Job, some of the gospels, Paul's story, and some of the reasons we read the Bible. Megumi shared her story and why she believes in and reads the Bible. It was just SUCH an amazing time of growth and exploration. When Megumi had to leave (at midnight!) we stayed up and watched Step Up, and then hit the hay. This morning she left me a little note, saying she really enjoyed reading and talking about the Bible, and she wants to do it again a few more times before I leave. But, she would also like to continue to read with megumi, and maybe even email me questions and chat online sometime :)

God is good. Through thick and thin, God is faithful :D

week of love

Well, school's out, and the Koreans are coming!!! No, this isn't some sort of strange invasion. A lot of the Japanese staff here are actually from Korea, and tonight, their spiritual leaders from Korea are coming to visit for a few days. The past week and a half I've had a LOT of time to hang out with Naoko and Megumi, and even Mrs. Shin and just learn about how Navigators ministries are structured all over the world. I'm very interested in just learning how leadership, submission, even relationships look in different places. Apparently in Korea, it is VERY structured. The "spiritual leaders" as they call them, are the final say in any big decision. Lee, our 32 year old Korean friend studying Psychology at a grad school here, said he had to wait 4 years before his spiritual leaders would give him permission to go to Japan. He knows it was for the best, but he sure was frustrated for a long time. Mr. and Mrs. Shin and Jun and Hiroko had their relationships before marriage run by their spiritual leaders. When the men thought they were ready to get married, they talked to their male spiritual leader, who then talked to the women's spiritual leader, who then mentioned the name of a woman ready for marriage. The men pray about it, then the leaders tell the woman. The woman then prays about it, and they decide. Mr. and Mrs. Shin dated for a month, then got engaged, and a month and a half later, were married. Jun and Hiroko had 3 months between talking with their leaders and their marriage. And they've been very happily married ever since! I'm wondering what the differences are. Bigger sense that God is in control? Better obedience to leaders means better obedience to God and to their partner? It's just how they do? So, that's what I've been studying the past week. I wish I could go to Korea and see their Navigators. Koreans are very similar to Americans- very open and blunt about things, very open about their bodies (we learned this in the public bath. oh baby), and have a similar sense of humor. But, I've heard they are also very strict about studies, religion, etc. High-schoolers go to school at 7am, stay in the library studying until 10pm, come home and do homework until around 2am, sleep for a few hours, and wake up and do it again. Their weekends are spent at school studying for the big exam to enter college. Do you know ANY high-schooler in America that would attempt such a schedule, and could handle it for more than 2 months? Right.

But, all this time without students has me thinking. I've been growing closer and closer to Naoko and Megumi. With all the difficulties I've had with my American team, I really value these 2 ladies who have taken me in and consider me a sister. The other night, Naoko and I had "date night". We made kimchi (spicy Korean food) and watched "Dangerous Beauty 2" also known as "Miss Congeniality 2" :P Afterwards, we just sat and talked and laughed for hours upon hours. She loves to talk about my wedding, insisting that I get married next summer so she can come. We're trying to organize a trip to bring a few students to CO to tour the Navigators headquarters and do a homestay at my beautiful home in CO Springs. The staff would be able to talk to leaders from different Universities, as well as from headquarters. If any of you are interested in helping plan or fundraise for that, PLEASE let me know!!! But anyway, I'm just so thankful for them and their company. Naoko and I cook together usually at least once a day, and we teach each other about life and love and God. Sundays we do a quiet time together and share our thoughts about a verse in Proverbs. I'm just so thankful for these sisters that I've found, even if it took me traveling across the globe to find them.

Please continue to pray for relationships with the students, and their exams. Please also pray for all the Summer Impact Japan teams, as we have 2 1/2 weeks left and are getting slightly antsy to just return home. Please also pray for our friends and families, that they will greet us with open arms for the little time we will be home before heading off to Universities, and that we will be able to process this summer and the amazing work God has been doing in our hearts through this. Thank you so much for your support and constant encouragement. I really can't thank you enough for what this summer has done/is doing in my life.

No pain, no gain.

I'm sure we've all heard this expression before. It means we must experience some pain before we can win anything-- usually with sports, that hurting just makes you stronger and more likely to win a game. But what about in life? I used to think emotions, like pain, were bad. Crying showed you were weak; anxiety showed you were irresponsible. I read somewhere a few years ago, though, that pain is a signal to the body that something is wrong. Emotions, like pain, are a sign to the mind that something is wrong. It is when we ignore or repress these emotions or feelings of pain, however, that we get burned-- literally or figuratively! Sometimes, I do admit, we women are crazy and will feel sad for no apparent reason... but is it really for NO reason? I personally think women are crazy, but not for the reason you think. I think we women are crazy because it is hard to accept that someone loves us unconditionally, passionately, wants to be with us always, loves us no matter what, wants what is best for us, and encourages us to be better but loves us exactly as we are. It is hard to accept that God is like that, not men. Over and over this trip I've learned just how much I try to avoid thinking about these things. When I feel anxious or even bored, I will watch a movie, listen to music, read, or even try to find someone to talk to, JUST so that I don't have to listen to what is going on in my head. I think it is really common for us to feel that way, that if we sit still and start to think about our problems, that would be just like opening a can of worms, worms that might possibly kill us. I believe that God is all-powerful, all-good, all-knowing, and all-around wonderful, but why do I have a hard time trusting that it would benefit me the most to face my giants? Well, I've decided to face them. If I want to move on with my life and start a family someday (don't worry dad, still not that soon), I need to face my issues and work through them, fighting with God if I have to. "Faith without actions is dead". I believe that God is in control, so I must act like God will take care of me. That means not being afraid of thinking about my past and the inner workings of my brain.

Speaking of God's sovereignty... tonight really blew me away. My ankle got a lot worse after last night (the baseball game, see previous post), and I really started to wonder why I'm still here for the next 3 weeks. Should I just go home? I can pray from anywhere. God is showing me, over and over again, that my "spiritual gifts" or just talents in general are ONLY a gift from God, and should be used in EVERYTHING to serve God. For example, when I first hurt my ankle, it freed me to write the Bible discussions. They were really, really effective and started a new way of thinking for BEST club. The next week, I started praying for Meg and Naoko when they would go eat lunch or have coffee with girls. As soon as I got over myself and my "gift" of drawing people out of their shells, the girls started talking about their lives, opening up, and asking questions about M/N's lives and their beliefs about spiritual things. So I thought I had the "gift" of prayer, so I would pray almost continually, about everything. I would pray that we wouldn't burn dinner, that no one would get in a bike accident, that test results would come out okay, that the kids playing outside would grow up to love their parents. And the list goes on and on! Well, ew made a disaster out of dinner, Rob got sick, there was another bike accident, and my ankle got worse. Tonight, Ai was coming over to hang out before BEST club. Megumi and I got together to talk about what we wanted to talk about, what to share, etc. I wanted to focus on just getting to know her, before we intentionally start talking about the Bible. Talk about not acting in belief of God's sovereignty! As soon as everyone else left, and Megumi went to get a car to give me a ride, Ai brought up the Bible and started asking questions about my life and my religion and my beliefs (I should really post that on here sometime, it's interesting, I think. Maybe not what you'd expect). I showed up to BEST club expecting to just teach the game, English, and then ask questions about the Bible discussion but mostly pray for the conversation. Talk about not trusting God's sovereignty! Tonight each section led to Jesus. By the end of it, the student was wanting to know about Jesus, what it means to have eternal life, and what the Bible says it would take to get that. Talk about exciting!! It was like something came over me, I don't know where the words came from, but apparently it was exactly what the student needed to hear. At the end of the discussion, I asked what his last thoughts were about this semester. He said Jesus is very wonderous, and it's no wonder so many people choose to follow him even today. He said he wants to be like Jesus. Well, Kazu, I want to be like Jesus too.

School's out for the summer

Well, for us anyway. We had our last day of classes yesterday. Starting next week, for the next 3 weeks, the students have exams. Most have between 8-13 classes, so basically we have no clue how much we'll be able to see them. I'm praying that we will have more of an opportunity to serve the Japanese staff here, as well as people we know in the community. They're having a big farewell party for us on August 2 (Meg's 22nd bday), then Rob flies out on the 5th, and we head to Tokyo the 7th. We'll spend the night with the rest of the SIJ'ers from other cities, and head to the airport on August 8. Time is such a weird creature. Sometimes it's slower than molasses, but it all catches up to you in the end.

Speaking of time and things catching up to you... Mr. Shin got test results back and praise the Lord, it isn't cancer! I'm not sure if I completely understand due to bad translation of medical terms, but something about there's a hole in his lung, and an infection. He needs to stay in the hospital another 2 weeks (so 4 weeks total) and it will take another month to heal. We know he is saved and would go to a better place, so we're not worried if something happens to him, but more so what his wife is going through. It's tough with bad things happen, but at least in this case we can possibly see why. Sometimes it takes something like this to teach us to just slow down and focus on God.

And that's exactly what I'm learning. Yesterday after class, we met our friends and went to a Fukuoka Hawks (baseball) game. It was so cool! They stand up and use these things that look like bats to do all sorts of cheers and claps and such. About a quarter of the stadium is people in these robe uniforms that look like a part of a cheer squad, playing trumpets and drums and leading cheers and such. It was so exciting! Unfortunately, by the 8th inning I had to call for a ride home because my ankle was throbbing and swelled up pretty badly, the score was 5-3 the Hawks losing. Apparently, there was much excitement after we left and the Hawks won! So fun :D Anyway, with my ankle hurting as much as it still does, I don't think it would be the best idea for me to go to Nagasaki this weekend with everyone :( So, we're trying to figure out what to do with me. I could probably stay with the Shins (Mrs and the 2 kids), or stay in my apartment by myself. There's a girl visiting from Korea that can't go because she can't afford it, so if she still doesn't go then maybe I'll stay with her. Either way, please continue to pray for all these things, and encouragement for everyone. I know we're getting pretty tired, and have no clue what these next 3 weeks will bring.