a wonderful place

Well, as I'm sitting here wasting time, I realize I'm at an absolutely wonderful place in my life. With all these changes that have taken place in the past year, and all the wonderous changes that will probably take place in the next year, I'm really at a great place in my life :) Sure, that doesn't mean things are going as planned or everything is hunky-dory, but I'm joyful. Really joyful. I have a wonderful room in a wonderful house with wonderful roomies. I have a wonderful/handsome boyfriend with a wonderful family (well, we'll see about the rest of the family next week ;) eek!). I am in an amazing Bible study, am well on my way to graduating, have a potential career I REALLY enjoy and can make a lifelong profession and lifestyle. Sure, I've been in bed with food poisoning for the past week, sure there is a lot of unknown with some family and friends' health issues, and sure, I'm 1000 miles away from those who love me the most. But you know what? I'm joyful. I have a Father who loves me and cherishes me and takes care of my NEEDS. The difference between a need and a want is the intent of the result. A need results in upkeep, maintenence, filling a hole. A want goes beyond that. I do not have all that I want or desire, but because my God gives me my needs, I have everything I could want :) Especially these days with the economy, I think it's easy to forget that. Even this past week I've started looking for a job in Colorado, pretty much anything that pays, to work May 1-August 15ish. It's easy to get frustrated with the economy, that I can't find a job that would be enjoyable AND fulfilling financially. But, I remember that I have more than I could ask for.

Well, that's it for now I guess. One week from right now I will (hopefully) be in Kansas, celebrating a wonderful woman's birthday :) and then maybe shlopping it in pig poop, or walking around an old folks' home. We shall see, we shall see.

it's beginning to look a lot like...

Well, I'm not sure what. The holidays are quickly approaching, and I'm not going home to California. Family and friends are distraught, but I know it will be okay :D They will be okay, I will be okay. At least that's what I keep telling myself. I'm almost done with Christmas shopping. Crazy, I know, I know, especially since it's not yet Thanksgiving. But, I'm having nose surgery the day after I get home, and I'll be bruised until Christmas, so better prepared than scaring people in public, aye? I'm hoping to get lots of movie time in with my Gramsie and Farrel.

More exciting news, I finished all my busywork homework and three out of my four projects for the semester. Basically, I'm done with homework until December. I'm trying to finish everything before Senioritis sets in. Speaking of Seniors... I am one! I got my schedule pounded out for next semester, and I'm going to take a Winterim (one week, watching movies and writing papers), an online critical thinking class, a computer class, and a Women/Aging Gerontology class... all that, and I'll be done by March!! I'm thinking take a bunch of friends home for Spring break, send them back on an airplane, and enjoy a few weeks of rest at home with my Gramsie, poolside, without a care in the world, before I'm thrown into the real world. Speaking of the real world, I'm hoping to find a job in the Springs for April-Octoberish. Something that pays well so that I can keep my savings up while I'm in Cosmetology school here in the Springs. If you know of anyone or anything, please don't hesitate to let me know :) Well, sorry I didn't update more, I'm off to clean a bit for my hot date in tomorrow. Almost a year, being vulnerable, and growing immensely as an individual, a girlfriend, and a child of God :D

the good times, and the in-between times

Well, school is in full force now. We started mid-terms this week. Now, for all you Californians, I know that must sound crazy because most of you just started school last week. I've been in school for a month and two weeks now!! Anyway, my schedule is pretty settled and it's nice to have routine. Bible study is all set up and going extremely, extremely well! There are 2 nurse-graduates, me and Chelsea (seniors), and 4 junior transfer students, and it's amazing!! After Bible study and before Navs, we hang out and get grub somewhere, and it's just amazing to see God moving in their lives, and through me. Last night one of the girls started talking about relationships (something I love to study and talk about), and she wants to keep meeting one-on-one :D Thank you, Lord! I finally feel that I'm in my place in school, Navs, the house, life, and with my walk with God. The only thing that's missing is family :/ I'm starting to get REALLY homesick, and I won't be able to go home until Christmas. I miss hanging out with aunts and uncles every weekend. I miss being able to hang out with my dad and go to sports or the movies or the beach. I'm missing out on my cousins' lives. Two of them are under the age of 4, and I've seen them maybe 3 or 4 times since they were born. Colorado sure is amazing, and I believe it's where God wants me, but it sure is getting hard thinking about the future without my family nearby.

One comfort, though, is my Michael. Yesterday we celebrated 10 wonderful months of dating :D He cares for me, cherishes me, communicates with me, and treats me absolutely great. He's smart and funny and outdoorsy and creative, and tall, dark, and handsome ;) with glasses (for now)! I can even wear heels and he's still taller than I am! What a treat! I laugh sometimes when I think of how far we, and I , have come. Almost exactly a year ago, a friend called me up and asked if I wanted to go to dinner. A bunch of us from leadership always went to dinner together Tuesdays, so of course I said sure. We decided where we wanted to go, and when, he said he would pick me up, and then he hung up. GUlp. I always drove myself, and other people! It was a date. It totally was. I couldn't cancel because he was a really good friend. So, I tried to think about other things, and tried to stall conversations as soon as he picked me up. When we sat down, he told me how wonderful I was and how much he loved spending time with me, and waited for my response. I was sort of waiting on another guy at that point, so I told him that. Ouch. 2 months of extreme "we can't be friends" to "we can't be good friends but I still want to know how you are" to "its ok to hang out in groups, just not small groups" to "maybe you should reconsider and get back to me" to "okay, Michael, I'm open to trying it" after much conversation and soul-searching and deliberation with God. And here we are today :D almost 4 months total of us individually in Asia (him over Christmas to visit his sister in Taiwan, me in Japan the whole summer) and we're going strong. :D Oh man, I could go on for days about this man.

God is good, in the good times and the bad. God reigns.

back to school...back to school... just to show mom that i'm not a fool

Me and some of the gang from the first after-Refresh: the photo scavenger hunt! Michael, Hailey, me, April, (Victoria taking picture)

Well, I'm back in Colorado, back in school, back in Navs, and back to reality..in English! I'm taking 12 credits at school, decided to just finish in May instead of December and enjoy my last year at a University and really invest in women through Navs. It's really great :D I'm getting used to being a student, friend, daughter, sister, and girlfriend again (not that I wasn't before, but it wasn't in person for 3 months!). Although I landed in the US a month ago today, it seems like forever ago, and yesterday, at the same time. My life in Japan seems so distant, yet I'm still the same person I turned into while I was there. I love how I can go a week without listening to music or watching tv. I love how I really enjoy my roomies and how grown-up they are, and how we can approach each other from the same level. I love God. Not for what He does for me, but because of Who He is, what He stands for, and who He makes me, everyday, every minute. We start Bible study on Wednesday and I'm so excited because we're studying Ephesians. I've read this book probably at least 50 times, and every time something new stands out to me and challenges me. I'm also excited because I get to meet and hang out with some new Junior girls, 2 of which have studied at Bible colleges in Europe, 2 are from Illinois, Chels, and my Sarah (formerly "Snorwood"). I'm also excited because I met some really cool freshmen ladies that I hang out with sometimes. They're fun to be around and its refreshing to remember where I was only 3 years ago. I'm utterly amazed at how God has grown me, stretched me, molded me, and cared for me the past 3 years.

This semester will be crazy, despite my non-crazy classes schedule. Other than school, Navs, roomies, and friends, we will have random houseguests from Denver, Kansas, California, and possibly even Pennsylvania. I am a team leader for the Communications team, meaning I'm in charge of marketing/advertising/comm within the group for our UCCS Navs. Please continue to pray for me, our ministry at school, and the lives of those on campus, in Colorado Springs, and friends and family back home in California.

back in the US...SR?

Well, I'm back in the US! After 3 days of travel, I'm safely home in sunny California. I've learned it really helps if you fast (not eating, drinking lots of water) for at least twelve hours before your flight, then eat and sleep the same times as your arrival city. I think it really helps! The way there, I did it and had no trouble going to bed and waking up on time. This time, I did before the airport and successfully slept the first night, woke up, and am about to head to bed in a little bit on the second night. Praise the Lord!

I've already noticed some hardships after being back for the summer. I don't like when people say "Oh aren't you SO glad to be back?! Isnt the US the best place to be? Don't you appreciate everything about the US?". I was there for 2 1/2 months, absolutely love Japan, and it felt like my home. The best place to be is the place God wants me, whatever difficulties I encountered there. I noticed I'm having a hard time adjusting to the food in the US. I'm not interested in sweets and can't handle a ton of meat. How weird is that? Oh, and I'm craving a Japanese salad. Meg, you know what I mean. I'm also a TON quieter. I learned the value of listening and just being quiet. When people tell me a story, I don't feel like I have to ask a bunch of questions or return the story with one of my own. I find this a very good thing to be comfortable with silence, but apparently it's not. I also really value my alone-time, quiet time, and think time. I miss walking around and not hearing music blaring, but especially people not yelling. We were at a restaurant today and I noticed that people will call across the room to get someone's attention. My mind has been on overdrive ever since my mom picked me up from the airport. It's probably the combination of never being alone anymore, constant music and noise, thinking about the future while missing Naoko and Megumi and Ami and Ai and Chihiro and Jun and Hiroko and Mrs. Shin. Also, I can read street signs and restaurant signs and billboards and texts and books and advertisements and everything else; since I haven't been able to for the past 2 1/2 months, my brain keeps trying to read anything and everything, taking in way too much information for me to process. I can't even begin to start thinking about what I'm feeling because there is pressure from situations around here to process my trip all of a sudden and somehow put it into a cohesive package to tell people I see that want to know about my trip. I apologize if I seem a bit shocked when you ask me about my trip. If you'd like to know something specific, please ask questions about what you'd like to know. I can't handle questions like "So...tell me about your trip. How was it? How was Japan?" and especially not now. If I know you well and know what you would like to know about, of course I'll tell you. If not, please know that my trip was absolutely amazing and I learned a ton about myself, God, ministry, the Japanese, the Bible, my personal relationships, and human relationships in general. It was very worthwhile and I can't wait to see my new friends and their life changes again :) I would go back if I had the chance. I probably wouldn't go long-term because I feel a real calling towards ministry in the US, but I would go back to visit and learn about the Navigators ministries in other cities/countries/etc. Thank you for partnering with me to advance the kingdom in Japan! And thanks for reading :)

and pictures, too.

the view from my apartment window
rice field that was JUST planted before we got here, now a beautiful field in the middle of the city
Rob, Yugina, Shin-Young, Meg, me, Megumi at our tea party/final fellowship
the girls and I decided to enjoy whipped cream by putting it on each others noses. they thought it was hilarious, and it was fun!
I just posted a blog, so I thought I'd add pictures to boot. What a great summer of growth! :D Enjoy!

humility, service, pride, and refuge

So, I started packing up today. My ankle had a really hard time with all the festivities this weekend, even though I skipped out on the hannabis festival Friday to rest. It never ceases to amaze me how God uses the time that I give up to do His will, for me to do something that makes me feel a ton better. Friday I got an extra 3 hours reading the Bible, something I desperately needed after a week crammed full of preparing for US return, goodbye presents, combining and sorting through all 1400 pictures, more extremely hurtful and difficult times with/out my team, and less sleep because of all of that. It caused me to reflect on this summer and what I've learned, and how I will be changed because of this trip. Well, 4 major themes stuck out to me this summer: humility, service, pride, and refuge.

Humility. What, exactly, is it? A few weeks ago in Bible study Rob asked us to define it. Kyle and Meg agreed that it was submission of the heart. Say what? In Philippians, Paul talks about Jesus humbling himself to death, even death on a cross, and considering others above yourself. So I propose that true humility is submission in your actions because your heart truly considers others to be better than yourself. Some question that if we are truly to consider others better than ourselves, some people must consider themselves less than poop, and have a very, very low regard for themselves. I argue that those people that suffer from extremely low self-esteem do not gain a heart of humility, but rather, of pride. For example, have you ever known someone that claims they do not like the attention all on them? If we are made in Christ's image and truly believe we are worth dying for, why wouldn't we have attention? Listen to what that person is really saying. I've noticed that a few people like that claim they don't like attention in the midst of a crowd, but when they aren't in front of a crowd, that's all they talk about. When someone walks into a room, what do they say? Do they ask a question, make a statement, who is glorified by what they say? Makes you think... what are people noticing about me by what I say? Do I say and do the things I do BECAUSE I'm actually humble, or because I really think nothing of myself?

Another question I've been investigating is about service. What, really, is service? I have concluded that it can best be described as sacrificing something precious to us, for the good of God's will in the life of another. When we serve without sacrifice, it is deeds. Faith without deeds is dead, so deeds are definitely needed. Service is also for the other person's betterment, but not only what WE think is best for them, but what God knows is best. We were challenged to be the "dying seed" this summer. A seed must fall to the ground and die in order to produce fruit, and fruit that will last. We are not to die to the world, but to ourselves. We are to beat our bodies into submission. Why? The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. This not only means our outward bodies, but our minds as well. When we think we deserve something, we are weak. Christ was MURDERED for us. He was perfect, and through His acts we are now perfect. We don't deserve anything other than death and eternal suffering. I find it difficult to remember that when someone steals, cheats, lies, or does a disservice to me. Eternal perspective is a nice healthy dose of humility.

Now this brings me to pride. Pride in the ministry, right. The New Testament mentions some reasons for why people talk about Christ. That topic ends with the fact that even if people are preaching about Christ for their own gain, at least Christ is being preached. I know a lot, a lot, a lot of Americans especially have been VERY hurt by Christians- people that openly admit they follow Christ. Christians are humans too, and sinful ones at that. We are told to not judge, lest we be judged in the same way. Ai and I were talking the other day and she brought up the subject of different religious sects and religious wars. If you read the Bible, you will know that what matters is faith in Christ, and faith with deeds, confessing sin, and remaining in Christ. So really, I don't like the word "religion". I am a Christ follower, which is what "Christian" means originally. I have a personal relationship with Christ, meaning that I pray to Him (me speaking to God) and I read my Bible regularly (Him speaking to me). Really, what more is there? The greatest commandment is to Love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and strength. And the second is like it, to love my neighbor as myself. Against such thing there really is NO law. If I am truly loving my God with all that I am and all that I have, I am doing no wrong. But how hard is that?!?!

Final thing. Refuge. This summer I gave up reading Christian books. I gave up talking on the phone. I gave up running to my friends when I wanted consoling. I even gave up my socializing (although NOT by my choice whatsoever). I even gave up watching movies for the first month. Classical conditioning. You know what it is? Think Pavlov's dogs. If we do certain things together, we train ourselves to do one even without the other present. Such was the thoughts behind giving all this up this summer. Whenever hard or even somewhat anxious times strike, I worked on training myself to turn to God, first through prayer, then through the Bible. After a while, even when no especially hard times were going on, I turned to God. Instead of God merely saving me, He was protecting me before anything happened. When my relationship with God started becoming more sparse, I felt bad times coming. Think of a relationship between you and your boyfriend (or girlfriend/husband/or wife). Life is best when communication between the two of you is in full swing. You share the trials as well as the triumphs. You are connecting and working as a team, and are uplifted. When the communication is less, and you turn to other things for comfort, things get rocky. There are more temptations, more chances for folly, pride and sin enter the picture. Same with us and God, I believe. If we are communicating with God regularly and seeking Truth from God first, there is less room for anything bad. "The Lord is my refuge and my strength. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I WILL FEAR NO EVIL, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me IN THE PRESENCE OF MY ENEMIES. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love WILL follow me all the days of my life, and I will DWELL in the house of the Lord forever. " Psalm 23. Even though enemies will still be all around, I will fear no evil because I dwell in the house of the Lord. He walks with me and I with Him. "Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry; the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned. The Lord redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him." Psalm 34:12-22.

Amen.