Ouch! As some of you know, I had nose surgery last week. Recovery has been remarkably quick, getting lots of rest, catching up on my TLC and HDTV shows, crushed ice, and antibiotics. I didn't get terribly bruised, which was a nice surprise. And the best part? I've been able to enjoy Golden Spoon (frozen yogurt) with my parents again :) Christmas is quickly approaching, and it's easier to remember the reason for the season when I can't see all the fake santas, fake snowmen (bc I'm in CA), lights, presents, overcrowded parking lots, and Christmas lights on the palm trees (sadly enough, that's what makes it feel like Christmas for me). I've realized this holiday season that stress isn't an excuse for our actions, stress is a magnification of our true selves. Sorry for the psychological mumbo jumbo, one of my classes dealt with existential issues and it's had my mind reeling for months. But really, people shouldn't say "sorry, excuse my actions, we're stressed". We should say "this is me, I'm stressed". We each have a certain threshold, called our "cognitive load". That is, we can each have a certain amount of stuff rolling around in our brains, whether concious or subconcious. One theory talks about how women are stuck on our looks, how if we dress in a bikini we will do worse on a math test than if we dress in a sweater; this is because our mind is subconciously freaking out, monitoring our looks, while our concious tries to work out math problems. During this holiday season, our schedules tell more about us than anything else. Our stress and our reactions are like a looking glass to our soul. Wow, that sounds really deep, but it's not. For example, I get really stressed when people are relying on me for something, and for some reason I can't follow through. One example clear in my mind is when Michael and Bryson were visiting CA and wanted to go to Disneyland. Farrel came over early, and we were trying to get extra cheap tickets for us poor college students. For some reason, the website wasn't working, we couldn't get the cheap discount, and Farrel really wanted to go. If it was up to me, I would have gotten the ticket weeks ago, but I had been waiting on the discount package from my dad. I would have checked the website the night before, but they convinced me to just do it in the morning, enjoy the evening at the beach. Well, I got really stressed and kept running around, calling people, checking different computers, trying to get it to work. That's my nature; I'm realiable, I get things done, I enable people to do stuff they want, usually for cheap. I use what I have, know people's needs and wants, and connect the two; it's what I do, it's who I am. So, true to form, this Christmas I finished my shopping before Thanksgiving, made full use of free shipping, and had everything ready before I got here and before surgery. Thinking about this made me realize how much balance there is in this world.
On the airplane I read the second book in the "Love and Respect" series. It talks about how men have a natural and innate NEED for respect, and how women have the same NEED for love. More importantly, it talks about how to express these needs, and how to meet the needs of the partner. This particular book talks about communication, and how our differences balance out due to our natural needs and talents. Women, in general, have this instinct. Men, in general, have insight. This explains why many men and women get into a "discussion" in which women start talking about problems during their day, men start trying to solve the problem, they both get upset. Thankfully Michael and I weren't built like most typical woman and man, but still, we both understand the need to be heard, to be vulnerable to say, and to realistically solve problems. This natural give and take in relationships, just how we were each individually made, and how things turn out make me think about how much balance there is in nature. This sounds silly, but even how we drink milk with cookies, adding protein so we can break down the sugars, how food nourishes the body, breaks it down to build us up. I'm constantly amazed at how this world is arranged, and I wonder how people can learn about science, nature, the environment, people, social systems, and not believe in a higher being. People criticize that this world is too random to be arranged, but what if the vastness is so vast that it couldn't be random? A friend came up with a few theories about random numbers, and even found that "randomized" numbers are never random. Maybe events aren't random either. Just a thought.
Okay well I guess it's time for some more ice and maybe a nap. A quick update: I'm in CA until January 9, then crazy busy until finals end March 13 (assuming I finish my online class when I want), spring break with navs in CA, then probably stay in CA for as long as I can (probably about a month), head back to Colorado to find a job, get everything ready at the house, graduation hopefully with most of the family coming to visit, and start my life as a graduate. That's about it for now, I'm sure this post hasn't made any sense at all, but that's okay. Merry Christmas! Unto us a Child is born, unto us a Savior is given. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Prince of Peace. Amen :)
