cha-cha-cha-changes

Well, as I'm now back in Colorado for my last semester at a University EVER, I find myself changing quite a bit. One of the reasons could possibly have something to do with the fact that Michael and I are now engaged!!! :D :D :D I get to be a Hankins (no worries, Hammans, I'm not giving up on you), spend my life with my best friend and love, and walk through life following Jesus :D I mean seriously, nothing on earth could be better :D

So, Michael had asked me maybe in November if I wanted to go see this snow sculpture festival with him in Breckenridge. We tried to go last year, but just barely missed it. So we put it on the calendar, and waited. Over Christmas, he had "the talk" with my dad, and it went surprisingly well! When he picked me up from the airport in Denver, we stopped at a ring shop to look at a few rings, but mostly so that I could be sized (yeah, after 14 months, he's still sizing me up :P). We were supposed to go to Breck on Saturday the 17th, but knowing me, I was sick. I didn't know if that was supposed to be the day he was going to ask or not, but I didn't want to ruin it if it was!! He was very good to me, came and took care of me and got me all better before that very evening. The next day, we headed to Breck! Usually, when we go on road trips, we don't listen to music or anything, just talk and laugh and enjoy the sights :) Not so much this trip, he had put a whole bunch of Michael Buble songs on his new ipod (thanks to mom and dad for Christmas!) and we listened the entire way up. Once we got there, we were driving around for parking and saw huge blocks of snow...that had not been sculptured. Apparently Michael had looked it up earlier that week and found out they wouldn't be carved until the next week, but decided we should go anyway. Thankfully, I was trying to be good and didn't research the festival or anything :P Anyway, we found parking and started walking around, and, like my usual, I started shivering and shaking because it was so cold. He was walking around looking for the river walk, but my body was insisting we stop for lunch somewhere inside and warm. It was a funny walk looking for something to eat, but I thought he was just frustrated with me being cold and neither of us knowing where to eat. We found a great place, had a great lunch (although he was somewhat quiet, but I attributed it to other reasons). Once we got out of lunch, I asked, "So...what are we going to do all day now that there's no sculptures?". He suggested we walk around and look at the shops and such, and find that darn river walk. We started walking, and found a giant pile of snow that had been plowed. I had never seen a pile of snow so huge, so I asked that he take my picture in front of it. He suggested we take pictures on the bridge right next to it. I suggested he take my picture in front of the snow first. He suggested we go to the bridge first. He abliged, took the picture, then we walked onto the bridge. It was cute, had a little overhang thing, and was still decorated for the holidays with a wreath and lights. He said "Well..." and backed away from me and unzipped his jacket. I thought he was crazy, or trying to give me his coat or something even though I was finally not cold. Then...he proposed! Neither of us really remembers what he said, but he got down on one knee and everything :D I gave him my hand, he put on the ring, then we started hugging and smiling lots :D About 5 minutes later, I said, "Hey, I just realized I never gave you an answer.... of course!!" and we were engaged :D We laughed and talked and grinned quite a bit, then found a nice sunny spot to call family and friends. I am so overjoyed to be committed to the most wonderful man in the world. There will be hard times, and there will be glorious times. I look forward to them both with Michael James Hankins, and I look forward to becoming Kristin Jeanette Hankins :D

Per some of your request, here is a picture of the ring. He did an absolutely great job!! About 2 months ago I sent him pictures of a variety of rings and told him what I liked and didn't like about each one, what I needed functionality-wise, etc (he didn't look at them, of course, until after he talked to dad...what respect!!). My mom was generous enough to send her engagement ring and my great grandma Brooks' ring for him to check out. He was able to use the stone from grandma Brooks' ring to create one that is just perfect for me and us!! The picture just doesn't do it (or us) justice, so you should check it out in person sometime :)

Me and the GIANT pile of snow.
The happy couple on the bridge right after he proposed :D before she accepted. hehe
Beautiful Breckenridge, Colorado!

We sat down and started planning, signed up for an amazing pre-marital class at our church, Woodmen Valley Chapel. We are to be married the afternoon of Saturday, October 3, 2009, at my home church, Voyagers Bible Church's new chapel! We're still looking for a place for the reception, but most of the details will be hammered down in March when we are in CA. Thanks for all your love and support!!

opportunity costs

It's an economic term talking about decision-making. Everything has an opportunity cost. If I choose to eat pasta for dinner, the opportunity cost is that I will NOT eat rice. If I live in a house, the cost is that I am NOT living in an apartment. This is quite simple, as you can imagine, but let's take it and combine it with faith. If I choose to date or marry, the cost of doing so is having faith to never date anyone else ever again. Jesus encouraged us in the New Testament to not follow blindly, but weigh the cost of following Him, then making our decision. I believe this is true for most other decisions, such as where to go to church or school, who to date, lifestyle choices, jobs, values, priorities, etc. But what about those decisions we do not make ourselves? For example, my life is at a crossroads with about 15 different possible paths. I will start looking for a job, but where/when/how/how long are all unbeknownst to me right now. I know I NEED a job, that God IS faithful to provide the money we need, and that everything will work out in its PERFECT timing. But, with that being said, how do I decide what to do in the meantime? Many people believe unwavering faith, trusting God for big things, means waiting on God. I can have the most faith in the world but still not get the right job unless I apply (okay God CAN make it happen anyway, but you get the gist). If I don't apply to graduate, I can't graduate, no matter the options God reveals to me. So, I believe following God requires being open to His words (reading the Bible for myself, praying for guidance and specific instruction), doing the work to gain possibilities (applying, networking, sending out my resume, looking for open doors), listening for insight from others (specifically those who advise me spiritually and personally), and being open to consider out-of-the-blue possibilities. There is an issue, however, that comes up concerning opportunity costs, miracles, and plans. Today in church, Gary was going through Proverbs 3:1-6, that talks about wisdom. He came to the realization that miracles are not gifts to us or huge viewings of God's glory; miracles are a glimpse of God returning to His intentioned state of the world. I like that, but I also don't. It's like a train-- we are on a set path, walking with God, when all of a sudden there's a track switch. We're still on a set path, walking with God, but it's just not the path we expected at that juncture. But, what's to say what is a miracle versus just plain life? When women give birth it is called a miracle, but when they lose a baby it is a tragedy. When someone is healed from a disease, it is a miracle, but when they get sick it is a nightmare. This sounds absolutely terrible, but think about it for a moment; who are we to determine what is a miracle versus what is something that is a part of God's plan for our lives and will cause great growth towards Him? Today after a wonderful nap I woke up to a clip from the movie "Little Miss Sunshine" when the uncle remembered a saying that the times with the most pain are the times that grow us the most. To fast foward through high school, the greatest tragedy... now.. that's a lot of growth to miss. I'm not saying we should jump for joy if we are diagnosed with a disease, nor that we should mourn when there is new life or healing. But rather, why not view each path as a way to get closer to God, to grow spiritually/emotionally/physically, and to become. That Existential Psychology class was a strange one, but one thing we talked about was authentic becoming. The definition is when we set goals that we wish to attain, then work to achieve those goals. For maximum benefit, these goals should be just at our outer limits of our abilities, something of interest to us, on the road to becoming who we want to be, that agrees with our cultural worldview and our personal values and ethics. My personal goal is to walk with God, to follow Him, to be more like Him, to serve Him through loving others, and to be a light to the world, sharing the love of Christ through my actions. In order to become me, then, I need to set goals that are challenging but realistic. That does not mean that my goals will be a timeline, a specific job, a specific family, or location. This means that wherever I am, my goal is to know Jesus, be more like Him, and make Him known. Through sickness, engagement, final months of school, and life, I will not try to merely be better, healthier, more productive, but to focus on God wherever He is leading me. As someone who has had health problems for many, many years, this just hit me like a huge load of bricks. Instead of being so focused on finding out what is wrong and getting it fixed, maybe God is trying to help me become along the way. Instead of being frustrated by appointments, maybe God wants me there that day to minister to the secretary. Instead of being angered by pricks and prodding, maybe my smile will help lead a nurse to Christ. Now coming back to opportunity cost... By going to a doctor's office, I am not able to hang out with a student, I know that. But, the cost of going to the doctor does not mean lack of ministry, it just means a transfer of ministry.

I've been reading through the book of Joshua since I've been in California, and a few days ago this verse stuck out to me. Joshua 7: 7, "And Joshua said, 'Ah, Sovereign LORD, why did you ever bring this people across the Jordan to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us? If only we had been content to stay on the other side of the Jordan!'" Basically, God called Joshua to follow Him and bring the people. They were getting antsy for their calling from God, so God brought them across the Jordan, and just so happened to be into the arms of the Amorites who were their enemies. I don't know about you, but I can definitely relate. I want God to use me, to move in my life. But when God says "no" or "wait", I am okay for a while, but then want to GO where God wants me. When I do finally get somewhere, it is easy to want to go back to the comfortable place where I was antsy. Hindsight is 20/20, they say. But, we cannot go back. So instead of wishing to go back, we must trust in the Lord, not that He will bring us out of the place of the Amorites, but that He has us right where He wants us, for our benefit and so we can become. Ouch, right? We must not only look to where God wants us, but to look for opportunities right where He has us, especially when we particularly do not want to be there. Look for the growth in the pain, look for the growth during high school.

Michael and I have been going through a book called "Before You Get Engaged" by David Gudgel, Brent Gudgel, and Danielle Fitch. Tonight I used my alone time after quiet time to read a few chapters, one of which was about whether or not you're better together than you are apart. Now, many people think if someone complements the other that means they have fun together or like the same foods. True complements, however, makeup what the other lacks. This not only means we must mesh with the other person, but that we must also have weaknesses. Ironic, hm? Only two imperfect people can make up a perfect couple. In the chapter that talks about communication, they talk about how 90% of conversations are easy-- but that last 10% is the hardest for any of us to share. That 10% is our personal beliefs, feelings, shortcomings, and vulnerabilities. Jesus covers our sin and our shortcomings, which is the only thing that allows us to even begin to interact with and complement another human being. The only way those two humans can complement each other is if they both believe in God and are moving towards the same authentic becoming, as individuals and as a singular unit in Christ. Amazing, hmm? It just blows my mind how God designed everything to work in perfect harmony, and that even while we are no where near to perfect, it all still works better than we could imagine.

And finally, after reading that passage in church today, it reminded me that God directs our paths through the good times and the bad. Many people turn to Proverbs 3:5-6 during hard times "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Other versions say, "in all your ways submit to Him and He will direct your paths." So comforting. As I continue this journey, moving toward another set of humans (a family really :) I remember to trust God in BIG ways, with everything, exclusively. I remember that I know nothing and deserve nothing. I remember to give glory to God in everything, submitting to God, and therefore, Michael and other leaders, in everything. I remember to let my paths be directed, and to follow His directions. Thank you, Lord, that you are my constant gardener, who never leaves me, and who gives me miracles daily, even when I do not recognize them. Amen, and amen.