Well, I'm not dead...just married!

That's right, Michael and I made it to the big week, and had an amazing time partying with our families and friends in Cali, and then off to a wonderful honeymoon in Maui for 2 weeks. Now, we're getting used to being back to the grind, at school and work, and just settling into married life.

Whatever that means.

That's one thing that is hitting me most. When many of our friends hear that we have gotten married, they say things like, "Oh, I couldn't see myself getting married down ANYtime soon. I'm not ready to settle down." I don't know about you... but who is settling? Sure, we have to stay home for the holidays because we don't have time off work. Sure, we can't run off to foreign countries because we still have student loans to pay off. Sure, we have to worry about things like taking care of a house and taking care of houseguests. But, what's the difference between that and when we were single? I like to think of just picking up another one along the way. I'm still living my life, and so is Michael, its just like our worlds collided- literally, at the wedding, kind of freaked us out. We were both running on paths, that just happened to intersect. And now we're running together :) Sure, sometimes it goes to a walk or a slight jog, but at least now we have someone to pull the other along when we need it, or slow down and rest with us when we need it. Yes, that means walking when we want to run sometimes, and running when all we want is to stop and sit. But that's life- no greater love than this, than he who lays down his life for a friend. It just so happens that the friend for whom I do this the most, is my best friend! I now have twice as much family as I used to (and it helps that they're pretty close, and willing to travel to see us!), an income which we're very appreciative of, and a hot guy home with me every night. I don't know about you...but who is settling?

Well, just a short rant, sorry it's not as in depth into my soul. Here are some pictures from the wedding week :) Enjoy!

SURPRISE!!

Well, the countdown has continued. Next week I will be getting married. Next week!

Michael and I went to church together for the last time as single people, and the pastor mentioned something that caught me as very profound. Mercy is when God doesn't give us what we deserve, but grace is when God gives us what we don't deserve. Wow. And it's so true! We are sinners, we are filth, yet God many times will withold that from us. God is graceful, and gives us way more than we could ever ask or imagine.

As some of you know, on Friday we threw Michael a surprise party :D His birthday is October 11, but we will be in Maui, so we decided to celebrate early with friends here in CO. He and I hung out most of the day (after I made dinner and set it all up, unbeknownst to him, hehe), and went to the chiropractor. The whole day he was talking about what he wanted to do that night, what we should have for dinner, what we should do after dinner, how we should call certain people and check on certain things. I would nod accordingly and continue on our way. Once we arrived home, I patiently waited while he wanted to get the mail and bring in the trash bins and check out the flowers out front. He walked into the laundry room and immediately thought we were being robbed, as about 5 of our friends jumped up and yelled and threw balloons at him.

Talk about mercy and grace. Lately I've felt that life can sometimes be just a giant surprise party from God. If you would have asked me three years ago if I would have been getting married, I would have said maybe, but not in my wildest dreams to this man :D If you would have asked me if he would be sweet, sensitive, tall, and dark, I would have never guessed. I was a lot like Michael.. talking about what I should do this year and the next, things I should accomplish and work toward, who I should be friends with and what kind of person I would be. SURPRISE! There are far bigger plans than I could ever have dreamed up, nor planned. When some people find out I'm almost married, they say we're so young, that we need to wait such and such time, that we shouldn't have kids (which, Lord willing, we'll try not to!), that we shouldn't have to worry about marital affairs right now. Well, Michael's birthday party was two weeks before it's time, I think God just knows when it's time and when the SURPRISE is best. I don't think of marriage as a lifetime commitment (well, ok yes I do). I think of marriage as a DAILY commitment. Every moment of every day I am committed to Michael as my number 2, to slay the foxes that might possibly come between us, and love him and serve him as the only human man for me. The only difference is, I know this surprise is coming next week!

Images of love

Well, after my first week of classes in cosmetology, I can honestly say Michael and I are starting our lives together :D This is a picture of what our lives will be, at least for the next 13 months (minus the whole getting to live together eventually, even sleep in the same place!). I'm realizing more and more than life is just a series of changes. A lady at my chiropractor's office is in awe of "all the stuff" I'm doing and accomplishing. But, isn't that what life is? Really, everything we do is just stuff. Even friends, although precious, are temporary. Jobs, even family, they're all different in eternity. Scary thought, aye? In cschool, we had to come up with a word and write it on a little circle we put on our keychains. Most of the girls put "love" or "perseverance" or "peace". I put "NOW" and "purpose". I want to live in the now, make the most of what I'm doing at this very moment, but remember my purpose and the bigger picture. So, for now, I'm doing what I can to take care of myself. Thanks to a new workout routine (yeah cheap elliptical), lots of water, healthy food, and a regular sleep schedule, I have never felt better! I'm trying to remember that friendships are temporary, as most of my close friends are away on vacation or falling away, while making the most of people that I love that ARE around, and new amazing people that have come into my life this summer :) Speaking of the NOW, we are engaged! I sent out invitations today (eek!), so make sure to check your mailbox here in the next week :D Oh, and here are some pictures from our amazing engagement shoot. Our photographer is a friend here in CO, René Tate Photography, check her out at www.renetate.com. The pictures are from Glen Eyrie and downtown :) Enjoy!

Check out more at http://www.pictage.com/687832 or in my pictures on facebook!

times like these

Oh, and one more thing. Time is starting to disappear (especially weekends), fears and worries are at bay. Suddenly, I heard this song, and all was quiet:

Newsboys- "The Tide"


think i'll wait for the tide
seems it's all i can do right now
there must be a reason
i've run aground

i'll wait for the waves
to come
by the moon and the tide
like a man and his bride
i will wait
on you, Lord
and we will run so far from here
to your.........safety

think i'll lie in the sun for awhile
maybe inside out
i've been leaving messages for you
i'm sure it will all work out

and i know the waves
will come
by the moon and the tide
like a man and his bride
i will wait
on you Lord
and we will run so far from here
to your.........safety in the storm

there is courage for the simple man
to the holders of secrets and scars
learning to stand with reaching arms
we'll wait till the very last
no matter what will be
you're always good
always good
to me

listen, speak, obey!

Well, wow it's been a long time since I posted. I'm officially on vacation, as a college graduate, in a very transitory time in my life. Our lives. It's a funny thing, to move from "my" to "ours". Even as I'm getting the house ready and thinking about a life and a future, the word "ours" just keeps getting stuck in my, our, heads :P When we talk about visiting my family or his family, that is no longer the case, it is OUR family. Singular. When we talk about vacation times and even weekends, it is our weekends. Together. It is not the fact that we absolutely must be together all the time, but the fact that we enjoy each other and want to do things that will further our leaning towards each other. And did I mention we like each other? A lot. Michael started work this week, and even though that means about 40 less hours/week that I get to spend with him, it has some perks ;) We get to meet new friends and think differently (his co-workers, people from church, etc). Evenings and weekends have meaning, time is sectionalized instead of one lump sum. He has alone time at work to plan dates and be excited about them (I'm an acts of service gal, he's a qualitytime, so this is HUGE for me!). I have more alone time to re-energize and think through life. We get a sneak peek into our future together. He will probably work at a job like this for the next 23 years. And, Lord willing, I get to be by his side :D

As some of you know, we are leading the Navigators summer Bible study in Colorado Springs. Since we are some of the only grads sticking around and sticking with Navs, we were asked, and agreed because it would be a great service opportunity as well as a good transition for us (not students, not singles, not married). We're studying 1 John. This week, we studied 2:1-14. One of the biggest parts that stuck out to me was this comparison between being saved by works, and acts of obedience. 1 John 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." Salvation and forgiveness are FREE gifts. We surrender our pride, show humility, admit our wrongs, and we are saved. Some ask, then, why we should try to be good people if we are saved no matter what we do. I believe the answer lies in 1 John 2:5-6 "But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did." So, in effect, sure we can accept God's grace, but in order for us to live the best possible lives and be made complete, we must strive to be like Jesus. In order to have complete union with Christ, we must follow his ways and the way Jesus made. The phrase "love truly made complete" in the original text also means that if God's love is abundant in our hearts, we will want to follow Him. Imagine if Michael asked me to make a lunch for him. Even though there are better things I could do with my time, because I love him, I would make a lunch for him. Since God's love is so abundant in my life and my heart, I WANT to follow him, I WANT to obey him. That's what love is, obedience and service out of a commitment. It is not based on feelings of loveydovey or overwhelming passion or attraction. I love Michael, but I loved God first and last (and everywhere in between), and I will obey his commands then, too :)

Big Life, Big Hair

Well, life back in Colorado has been absolutely crazy since I last wrote. I spend my days babysitting, volunteering up at camp, learning how to love my future husband, cleaning our future house, running errands, investing in women, finalizing our Navigators group, and finishing up plans for the wedding. Wedding planning. Whenever anyone finds out I'm engaged, the first question they ask? "How's the wedding planning coming?" "Great! We're almost done :D" "Wow, you're way ahead of most people". I love to plan, I love to plan parties, and I love to plan with people in mind, so the wedding planning really IS fun. I'm decisive, so that always helps :) But something is beginning to deeply disturb me about all of it. As soon as a woman finds out I'm engaged, the second question is "Well, what are your colors?" They mean that in the best way possible, letting me know they care about me and they want to hear about this time in life we'll be celebrating. That's great! But, something is missing from it all. When I was trying on my dress, or looking for the reception site, or choosing decorations, my dad figured out that his line should be, "Yes, dear, anything you want, dear". Jokingly, Michael followed his lead, much to my chagrin. My wedding is not about me OR Michael OR our love. Our wedding is about a sacred covenant we are making among the two of us and our God, in the sight of our loved ones. It is about the joining of two spirits to that of the Lord, to learn and grow in His likeness, to get a better idea of his Majesty and power and establishment. It is the joining of two families under God, a celebration of God's creation that we call man. Period. The guest list, I've learned, is expected to be friends of us, our families, and people we call friends, that we want to celebrate with. I disagree. I believe those are the people that should want to hold us accountable. When the times get tough and we're tempted to befriend a member of the opposite sex, or take a break, or stray from God or our mate, that those guests will be the people that will encourage us to not just walk, but RUN back to God, and then back to each other. All the gifts and the decorations and the attire, they mean NOTHING without God. I read a verse in Song of Songs the other day that said something to the effect (I would quote it, but Michael has the book right now) of "We do this in celebration of our true love, knowing full well that this love is only possibly by its creator, our true first lover". WOW! What a powerful statement! Love is not a feeling, it is not fleeting, it is not something to yearn for or work toward. Love is a decision, a sacrifice, and a moment to moment choice.

This weekend, Michael and I had the pleasure to venturing to the middle of Kansas to spend time with Michael's parents and all of their older relatives that live there, at the Villa :) This will be my family! Now most of you know how crazy I am about my family. Where we will live is determined by God alone, but we sure hope that we end up very close to some sort of family. I am constantly calling, texting, or facebooking family, wishing I could be home or they could come to visit (and they will, in two weeks and I'm SO excited!!!!!). The fact that I get to be a part of a new family, without giving up my original family, just boggles my mind. Sure, that means less time with each individually, but that means more time with those that are stuck with me, and I with them. That means more to encourage and serve and host and just enjoy. Rick and Karen are an absolutely wonderful example of a Godly couple that sure is different (Michael is VERY similar to his mom, and I, as his mom pointed out, am scary similar to his dad) but loves and respects unconditionally, and cares enough about us as a couple to write us letters of encouragement and "force" us to sit down and watch the Love&Respect series with them. I only hope that we can someday be half as Godly and committed as they are. Whenever we go to Kansas, we have the privelege of greeting all the grandmothers and grandfathers (and great aunts and great uncles and some cousins, and all the siblings of the aforementioned, numbering over 20 relatives!). Other than hanging out with my Gramsie, I have never seen such cute older people with such big grins on their faces! Even if we just stopped by for a minute at 7pm when they were in their nighties, their apartments a wreck (or so they claim), they were absolutely ecstatic just to be able to see us. I don't know who was more excited...them or me! I wished that I could just go hang out with them, hear their stories, laugh with them, and encourage them by listening. Michael practically had to drag me out of there, and I only left willingly because I know that we'll be back for many years to come :) In many of the older women's rooms, in the small predominantly-Mennonite town, one thing that really stuck out to me was all the "spiritual" books sitting around-- books about God's power and grace and majesty and commandments. Many of these relatives have lived well into their 90's, a great feat in itself, but one that greatly impressed me was Ruth, Michael's Grandma's brother's wife's sister, who was 92 and the most smiley last I've met. There she was, sitting in church across the aisle. She walked up to me and gave me a hug, before Michael even introduced me. She was totally coherent and smart as a wit, but caring as a cucumber. I know that by God's grace alone, if I make it to that age, I can be as smiley as Ruth, because I will follow my Savior and walk by His power, and continue to be faithful. I not only want a big wedding, one professing, proclaiming, but exclaiming the truth of God, but I want to live a big life.

On a lighter note, part of the Love&Respect series talked about how men love to see their women dress up for them, treat them with more respect than their friends when the ladies go out on the town. Today I have been resting, not feeling quite well. Michael called and wants to come pick me up to just be together while he does homework. So I go, I love, I remain almost silent, serving him, with big hair :D not because I will get something in return, but because God's love is greater than any other, and I am here, I was created to love, which is to serve :D

an update from paradise

Have you ever felt joy so overwhelming that you can't help but just give a goofy grin about 15 hours/day? Have you ever felt so free to just do what you want, eat what you want, and know that everything will be spectacular? Have you ever had this sneaking suspicion that you've been thinking all wrong your entire life, and you're about to start on a journey that you cannot stop, but wouldn't even consider not wanting to? Welcome to my life :D

My wonderful fiancee and I have been in California since Sunday (today's Friday). It's a vacation we DEFINITELY both needed. After enjoying the free pools (a new one every day), we run errands and hang out with my parents and grandma as much as we can, usually enjoying good food or at least some Girl Scout cookies :D One assignment we do have while we're here is planning the wedding, although even that feels more like a party than an assignment. On Wednesday we went to the Irvine Marriott, where we will be having our reception! We met with one of our wedding coordinators, and tasted 3 different kinds of salads, grilled chicken, stuffed chicken, and filet mignon, as well as some cute little pastry desserts. We got to see how they will set the table, as well as choose our napkin foldings. We decided on stuffed chicken in a white chardonnay sauce, stuffed with a cheese I cannot spell, and spinach. Annnnd filet mignon in a black truffle mushroom sauce :D Truffles! Suprisingly, a very realistic price and EXTREMELY tasty! A special treat for a very special day :D The next day, we went out with Aunt Rosalie, cousin Marissa, and mom, and went to Shinoda's, an interior design warehouse. We were very blessed to find the exact flowers we want, for about 1/8 of the price we would have had to pay for plain, real flowers, and even cheaper than the flowers I wanted. We'll have 3 different centerpieces, all with a tall, dark bamboo as the base middle.

Well my sleepyhead just woke up and came over to say, so I had better go. We're having one of our famous Hamman family parties with *almost* everyone coming over to celebrate any birthdays from the past 2 months, including mine (in May).

the perfect gentleman

Well, I've found him. I have the most perfect gentleman. As Valentine's Day is quickly approaching, I hear from women all over the place that I am so lucky that I have found a great Christian man. Yes, I have found him and he has found me. But that's not what I'm talking about. While we're trying to plan the rest of our lives together, the marriage, and the big party to celebrate, the wedding, it's easy to lose focus of my first true love, my one and only true, true love. His love is perfect. His love is kind. He is not envious. He does not boast, and is not proud. He is not rude, nor self-seeking. He does not easily anger, nor keep records of all the many things I've done wrong. My gentleman does not delight in evil or pain, but is super excited about truth, and love, and everything truly good for us. My gentleman protects me physically as well as emotionally, trusts me even through the worst times, hopes for the best future, and never gives up on me. (1 Corinthians 13). My gentleman always craves to spend time with me. He wants to shower me with love, affection, give me gifts, and do acts of service. He walks on clouds for me, builds mountains and breaks oceans for me. He always shows up when I need him, and waits when I feel like I don't need him. I see him everywhere, in everything that is good, perfect, peaceful, and joyful. I see him when suffering and when ecstatic. I can share him, and sometimes ask him to be with my friends, and still I know he loves me the most. My perfect gentleman is the son of my God, He saved my life, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life. Happy Valentine's Day, my true love, my Jesus :D

cha-cha-cha-changes

Well, as I'm now back in Colorado for my last semester at a University EVER, I find myself changing quite a bit. One of the reasons could possibly have something to do with the fact that Michael and I are now engaged!!! :D :D :D I get to be a Hankins (no worries, Hammans, I'm not giving up on you), spend my life with my best friend and love, and walk through life following Jesus :D I mean seriously, nothing on earth could be better :D

So, Michael had asked me maybe in November if I wanted to go see this snow sculpture festival with him in Breckenridge. We tried to go last year, but just barely missed it. So we put it on the calendar, and waited. Over Christmas, he had "the talk" with my dad, and it went surprisingly well! When he picked me up from the airport in Denver, we stopped at a ring shop to look at a few rings, but mostly so that I could be sized (yeah, after 14 months, he's still sizing me up :P). We were supposed to go to Breck on Saturday the 17th, but knowing me, I was sick. I didn't know if that was supposed to be the day he was going to ask or not, but I didn't want to ruin it if it was!! He was very good to me, came and took care of me and got me all better before that very evening. The next day, we headed to Breck! Usually, when we go on road trips, we don't listen to music or anything, just talk and laugh and enjoy the sights :) Not so much this trip, he had put a whole bunch of Michael Buble songs on his new ipod (thanks to mom and dad for Christmas!) and we listened the entire way up. Once we got there, we were driving around for parking and saw huge blocks of snow...that had not been sculptured. Apparently Michael had looked it up earlier that week and found out they wouldn't be carved until the next week, but decided we should go anyway. Thankfully, I was trying to be good and didn't research the festival or anything :P Anyway, we found parking and started walking around, and, like my usual, I started shivering and shaking because it was so cold. He was walking around looking for the river walk, but my body was insisting we stop for lunch somewhere inside and warm. It was a funny walk looking for something to eat, but I thought he was just frustrated with me being cold and neither of us knowing where to eat. We found a great place, had a great lunch (although he was somewhat quiet, but I attributed it to other reasons). Once we got out of lunch, I asked, "So...what are we going to do all day now that there's no sculptures?". He suggested we walk around and look at the shops and such, and find that darn river walk. We started walking, and found a giant pile of snow that had been plowed. I had never seen a pile of snow so huge, so I asked that he take my picture in front of it. He suggested we take pictures on the bridge right next to it. I suggested he take my picture in front of the snow first. He suggested we go to the bridge first. He abliged, took the picture, then we walked onto the bridge. It was cute, had a little overhang thing, and was still decorated for the holidays with a wreath and lights. He said "Well..." and backed away from me and unzipped his jacket. I thought he was crazy, or trying to give me his coat or something even though I was finally not cold. Then...he proposed! Neither of us really remembers what he said, but he got down on one knee and everything :D I gave him my hand, he put on the ring, then we started hugging and smiling lots :D About 5 minutes later, I said, "Hey, I just realized I never gave you an answer.... of course!!" and we were engaged :D We laughed and talked and grinned quite a bit, then found a nice sunny spot to call family and friends. I am so overjoyed to be committed to the most wonderful man in the world. There will be hard times, and there will be glorious times. I look forward to them both with Michael James Hankins, and I look forward to becoming Kristin Jeanette Hankins :D

Per some of your request, here is a picture of the ring. He did an absolutely great job!! About 2 months ago I sent him pictures of a variety of rings and told him what I liked and didn't like about each one, what I needed functionality-wise, etc (he didn't look at them, of course, until after he talked to dad...what respect!!). My mom was generous enough to send her engagement ring and my great grandma Brooks' ring for him to check out. He was able to use the stone from grandma Brooks' ring to create one that is just perfect for me and us!! The picture just doesn't do it (or us) justice, so you should check it out in person sometime :)

Me and the GIANT pile of snow.
The happy couple on the bridge right after he proposed :D before she accepted. hehe
Beautiful Breckenridge, Colorado!

We sat down and started planning, signed up for an amazing pre-marital class at our church, Woodmen Valley Chapel. We are to be married the afternoon of Saturday, October 3, 2009, at my home church, Voyagers Bible Church's new chapel! We're still looking for a place for the reception, but most of the details will be hammered down in March when we are in CA. Thanks for all your love and support!!

opportunity costs

It's an economic term talking about decision-making. Everything has an opportunity cost. If I choose to eat pasta for dinner, the opportunity cost is that I will NOT eat rice. If I live in a house, the cost is that I am NOT living in an apartment. This is quite simple, as you can imagine, but let's take it and combine it with faith. If I choose to date or marry, the cost of doing so is having faith to never date anyone else ever again. Jesus encouraged us in the New Testament to not follow blindly, but weigh the cost of following Him, then making our decision. I believe this is true for most other decisions, such as where to go to church or school, who to date, lifestyle choices, jobs, values, priorities, etc. But what about those decisions we do not make ourselves? For example, my life is at a crossroads with about 15 different possible paths. I will start looking for a job, but where/when/how/how long are all unbeknownst to me right now. I know I NEED a job, that God IS faithful to provide the money we need, and that everything will work out in its PERFECT timing. But, with that being said, how do I decide what to do in the meantime? Many people believe unwavering faith, trusting God for big things, means waiting on God. I can have the most faith in the world but still not get the right job unless I apply (okay God CAN make it happen anyway, but you get the gist). If I don't apply to graduate, I can't graduate, no matter the options God reveals to me. So, I believe following God requires being open to His words (reading the Bible for myself, praying for guidance and specific instruction), doing the work to gain possibilities (applying, networking, sending out my resume, looking for open doors), listening for insight from others (specifically those who advise me spiritually and personally), and being open to consider out-of-the-blue possibilities. There is an issue, however, that comes up concerning opportunity costs, miracles, and plans. Today in church, Gary was going through Proverbs 3:1-6, that talks about wisdom. He came to the realization that miracles are not gifts to us or huge viewings of God's glory; miracles are a glimpse of God returning to His intentioned state of the world. I like that, but I also don't. It's like a train-- we are on a set path, walking with God, when all of a sudden there's a track switch. We're still on a set path, walking with God, but it's just not the path we expected at that juncture. But, what's to say what is a miracle versus just plain life? When women give birth it is called a miracle, but when they lose a baby it is a tragedy. When someone is healed from a disease, it is a miracle, but when they get sick it is a nightmare. This sounds absolutely terrible, but think about it for a moment; who are we to determine what is a miracle versus what is something that is a part of God's plan for our lives and will cause great growth towards Him? Today after a wonderful nap I woke up to a clip from the movie "Little Miss Sunshine" when the uncle remembered a saying that the times with the most pain are the times that grow us the most. To fast foward through high school, the greatest tragedy... now.. that's a lot of growth to miss. I'm not saying we should jump for joy if we are diagnosed with a disease, nor that we should mourn when there is new life or healing. But rather, why not view each path as a way to get closer to God, to grow spiritually/emotionally/physically, and to become. That Existential Psychology class was a strange one, but one thing we talked about was authentic becoming. The definition is when we set goals that we wish to attain, then work to achieve those goals. For maximum benefit, these goals should be just at our outer limits of our abilities, something of interest to us, on the road to becoming who we want to be, that agrees with our cultural worldview and our personal values and ethics. My personal goal is to walk with God, to follow Him, to be more like Him, to serve Him through loving others, and to be a light to the world, sharing the love of Christ through my actions. In order to become me, then, I need to set goals that are challenging but realistic. That does not mean that my goals will be a timeline, a specific job, a specific family, or location. This means that wherever I am, my goal is to know Jesus, be more like Him, and make Him known. Through sickness, engagement, final months of school, and life, I will not try to merely be better, healthier, more productive, but to focus on God wherever He is leading me. As someone who has had health problems for many, many years, this just hit me like a huge load of bricks. Instead of being so focused on finding out what is wrong and getting it fixed, maybe God is trying to help me become along the way. Instead of being frustrated by appointments, maybe God wants me there that day to minister to the secretary. Instead of being angered by pricks and prodding, maybe my smile will help lead a nurse to Christ. Now coming back to opportunity cost... By going to a doctor's office, I am not able to hang out with a student, I know that. But, the cost of going to the doctor does not mean lack of ministry, it just means a transfer of ministry.

I've been reading through the book of Joshua since I've been in California, and a few days ago this verse stuck out to me. Joshua 7: 7, "And Joshua said, 'Ah, Sovereign LORD, why did you ever bring this people across the Jordan to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites to destroy us? If only we had been content to stay on the other side of the Jordan!'" Basically, God called Joshua to follow Him and bring the people. They were getting antsy for their calling from God, so God brought them across the Jordan, and just so happened to be into the arms of the Amorites who were their enemies. I don't know about you, but I can definitely relate. I want God to use me, to move in my life. But when God says "no" or "wait", I am okay for a while, but then want to GO where God wants me. When I do finally get somewhere, it is easy to want to go back to the comfortable place where I was antsy. Hindsight is 20/20, they say. But, we cannot go back. So instead of wishing to go back, we must trust in the Lord, not that He will bring us out of the place of the Amorites, but that He has us right where He wants us, for our benefit and so we can become. Ouch, right? We must not only look to where God wants us, but to look for opportunities right where He has us, especially when we particularly do not want to be there. Look for the growth in the pain, look for the growth during high school.

Michael and I have been going through a book called "Before You Get Engaged" by David Gudgel, Brent Gudgel, and Danielle Fitch. Tonight I used my alone time after quiet time to read a few chapters, one of which was about whether or not you're better together than you are apart. Now, many people think if someone complements the other that means they have fun together or like the same foods. True complements, however, makeup what the other lacks. This not only means we must mesh with the other person, but that we must also have weaknesses. Ironic, hm? Only two imperfect people can make up a perfect couple. In the chapter that talks about communication, they talk about how 90% of conversations are easy-- but that last 10% is the hardest for any of us to share. That 10% is our personal beliefs, feelings, shortcomings, and vulnerabilities. Jesus covers our sin and our shortcomings, which is the only thing that allows us to even begin to interact with and complement another human being. The only way those two humans can complement each other is if they both believe in God and are moving towards the same authentic becoming, as individuals and as a singular unit in Christ. Amazing, hmm? It just blows my mind how God designed everything to work in perfect harmony, and that even while we are no where near to perfect, it all still works better than we could imagine.

And finally, after reading that passage in church today, it reminded me that God directs our paths through the good times and the bad. Many people turn to Proverbs 3:5-6 during hard times "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Other versions say, "in all your ways submit to Him and He will direct your paths." So comforting. As I continue this journey, moving toward another set of humans (a family really :) I remember to trust God in BIG ways, with everything, exclusively. I remember that I know nothing and deserve nothing. I remember to give glory to God in everything, submitting to God, and therefore, Michael and other leaders, in everything. I remember to let my paths be directed, and to follow His directions. Thank you, Lord, that you are my constant gardener, who never leaves me, and who gives me miracles daily, even when I do not recognize them. Amen, and amen.