humility, service, pride, and refuge

So, I started packing up today. My ankle had a really hard time with all the festivities this weekend, even though I skipped out on the hannabis festival Friday to rest. It never ceases to amaze me how God uses the time that I give up to do His will, for me to do something that makes me feel a ton better. Friday I got an extra 3 hours reading the Bible, something I desperately needed after a week crammed full of preparing for US return, goodbye presents, combining and sorting through all 1400 pictures, more extremely hurtful and difficult times with/out my team, and less sleep because of all of that. It caused me to reflect on this summer and what I've learned, and how I will be changed because of this trip. Well, 4 major themes stuck out to me this summer: humility, service, pride, and refuge.

Humility. What, exactly, is it? A few weeks ago in Bible study Rob asked us to define it. Kyle and Meg agreed that it was submission of the heart. Say what? In Philippians, Paul talks about Jesus humbling himself to death, even death on a cross, and considering others above yourself. So I propose that true humility is submission in your actions because your heart truly considers others to be better than yourself. Some question that if we are truly to consider others better than ourselves, some people must consider themselves less than poop, and have a very, very low regard for themselves. I argue that those people that suffer from extremely low self-esteem do not gain a heart of humility, but rather, of pride. For example, have you ever known someone that claims they do not like the attention all on them? If we are made in Christ's image and truly believe we are worth dying for, why wouldn't we have attention? Listen to what that person is really saying. I've noticed that a few people like that claim they don't like attention in the midst of a crowd, but when they aren't in front of a crowd, that's all they talk about. When someone walks into a room, what do they say? Do they ask a question, make a statement, who is glorified by what they say? Makes you think... what are people noticing about me by what I say? Do I say and do the things I do BECAUSE I'm actually humble, or because I really think nothing of myself?

Another question I've been investigating is about service. What, really, is service? I have concluded that it can best be described as sacrificing something precious to us, for the good of God's will in the life of another. When we serve without sacrifice, it is deeds. Faith without deeds is dead, so deeds are definitely needed. Service is also for the other person's betterment, but not only what WE think is best for them, but what God knows is best. We were challenged to be the "dying seed" this summer. A seed must fall to the ground and die in order to produce fruit, and fruit that will last. We are not to die to the world, but to ourselves. We are to beat our bodies into submission. Why? The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. This not only means our outward bodies, but our minds as well. When we think we deserve something, we are weak. Christ was MURDERED for us. He was perfect, and through His acts we are now perfect. We don't deserve anything other than death and eternal suffering. I find it difficult to remember that when someone steals, cheats, lies, or does a disservice to me. Eternal perspective is a nice healthy dose of humility.

Now this brings me to pride. Pride in the ministry, right. The New Testament mentions some reasons for why people talk about Christ. That topic ends with the fact that even if people are preaching about Christ for their own gain, at least Christ is being preached. I know a lot, a lot, a lot of Americans especially have been VERY hurt by Christians- people that openly admit they follow Christ. Christians are humans too, and sinful ones at that. We are told to not judge, lest we be judged in the same way. Ai and I were talking the other day and she brought up the subject of different religious sects and religious wars. If you read the Bible, you will know that what matters is faith in Christ, and faith with deeds, confessing sin, and remaining in Christ. So really, I don't like the word "religion". I am a Christ follower, which is what "Christian" means originally. I have a personal relationship with Christ, meaning that I pray to Him (me speaking to God) and I read my Bible regularly (Him speaking to me). Really, what more is there? The greatest commandment is to Love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and strength. And the second is like it, to love my neighbor as myself. Against such thing there really is NO law. If I am truly loving my God with all that I am and all that I have, I am doing no wrong. But how hard is that?!?!

Final thing. Refuge. This summer I gave up reading Christian books. I gave up talking on the phone. I gave up running to my friends when I wanted consoling. I even gave up my socializing (although NOT by my choice whatsoever). I even gave up watching movies for the first month. Classical conditioning. You know what it is? Think Pavlov's dogs. If we do certain things together, we train ourselves to do one even without the other present. Such was the thoughts behind giving all this up this summer. Whenever hard or even somewhat anxious times strike, I worked on training myself to turn to God, first through prayer, then through the Bible. After a while, even when no especially hard times were going on, I turned to God. Instead of God merely saving me, He was protecting me before anything happened. When my relationship with God started becoming more sparse, I felt bad times coming. Think of a relationship between you and your boyfriend (or girlfriend/husband/or wife). Life is best when communication between the two of you is in full swing. You share the trials as well as the triumphs. You are connecting and working as a team, and are uplifted. When the communication is less, and you turn to other things for comfort, things get rocky. There are more temptations, more chances for folly, pride and sin enter the picture. Same with us and God, I believe. If we are communicating with God regularly and seeking Truth from God first, there is less room for anything bad. "The Lord is my refuge and my strength. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I WILL FEAR NO EVIL, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me IN THE PRESENCE OF MY ENEMIES. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love WILL follow me all the days of my life, and I will DWELL in the house of the Lord forever. " Psalm 23. Even though enemies will still be all around, I will fear no evil because I dwell in the house of the Lord. He walks with me and I with Him. "Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry; the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned. The Lord redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him." Psalm 34:12-22.

Amen.