The Butterfly Effect

Well, it has been another few months of craziness. March was spent in California, sick, and then a trip to Kansas. Wedding season has begun, little bean started eating "real" food, and I have been trying to catch up with my clientele as well as taking on new clients (yikes, shouldn't have let that one out!). Today I was supposed to go volunteer at the office of the camp I worked at in 2007, but it didn't work out. It's nice to take a day off to "just" be a mom. We got to run errands, make more baby food, have lots of play time, and got some snuggles in around naps. It's so nice to not have to look at the clock for a whole day, just pay attention to the little man's cues for when he's hungry, tired, excited, etc. It makes me feel so confident to know that I graduated college with a degree I use everyday, then went on to conquer the schooling and tests that allow me to consult others on beauty and many aspects of healthy living, which I thrive and cherish. But God is the one who made me a mom. Because of my love for my husband, God gave us a child. Michael and I are always reminding each other how glad we are that we found each other so young- by the time we are our grandparents' age, we will have been married for 58 years (Lord willing we will be alive that long)! And now that we are greatly preparing for retirement, hopefully in about 20 years, we realize our oldest son will be in college and we will still have another 35 years before getting to that 80 year mark :) What a joy!

Lately, I was told a wonderful metaphor by a dear friend who is hoping to leave in the next few years to do ministry work in Japan (with twins on the way, yikes!). She told me that, as all DNA, a caterpillar's DNA is the same from the time they are in a cocoon as when they are caterpillar as when they are butterflies. As such, God has given us a plan for our lives to be His daughter or son. A caterpillar cannot "see" his DNA, just like we cannot see where or how we will end up. We cannot look at other people's DNA and know where or how they will end up. But, just like DNA, there is absolutely nothing that we can do to fall into or out of grace with our Heavenly Father, just like there is nothing we can do to change our DNA (well, for now, science is getting creepy). Isn't that absolutely beautiful?

At the Women's Day that Si and I attended a few weeks ago, they gave a talk about condemnation versus conviction. We agreed that condemnation is done by other people and ourselves, and is not from God. Conviction can be by others, God, ourselves, along with the Holy Spirit, to spur us on to be better WITHIN God's love. The only one who can truly condemn us is God after we have passed away or when Jesus comes back. Just like our DNA, we should not feel guilty, proud, ashamed, or arrogant about ourselves, because the good and the bad all come from and bring glory to God alone. DNA.

When we had the wonderful time to get together with family last month, it was very interesting to just watch people and talk. Michael's grandfather passed away, something we were very excited about. Now let me explain, normally we don't get excited about death, but we were so excited FOR him. He had worked on a farm his whole adult life, and wanted to die on that farm. A few years ago, he suffered an accident that caused hospitalization and selling the farm (at the farm auction! if you haven't experienced one yet...you should! Oh boy). It has been about 2 years- he does not have his pigs or crops or farm or farmhouse. He couldn't live with his wife. His kids live all over the country. He lived to see pictures of his grandkids' first wedding, and got to meet his first blood great-grandson. His body was failing, his mind was wandering, and Jesus was calling him home. It was time to take a look at his DNA. Now, since we have faith and Merle talked about his faith quite often, we believe he is in a much better place, partying with Jesus, and we believe we know how to get there someday as well. But, what if we don't? If there really is nothing we can do to get in or out, then how do you know? A bunch of Merle's kids (he had 7!) claim to believe in some sort of God, pray with us, go to church when they are visiting, and are generally good people. Some of the family spent much of the weekend feeling sorry for the rest of the family, because they "had no faith". But when one of the sons who does not take part in religion got up to speak at his father's funeral, he said he knew he would see his dad again someday. Some scoffed. Some feared for the son. I'm not so sure. We can pull verses out of the Bible and quote scripture, but ultimately, it comes down to God. We don't know what the next 5 minutes holds, let alone how we will all "read" when it is time. Only God knows our hearts, and only God knows our DNA. It is up to us to let His beauty come out and become the butterfly He created us to be.